HELP!!!!!!!!!

[CraigF]

I don't know how to even say this. My wife and I had been going to a church that was 45 minutes away from our home for 3 years because we liked their style and how they loved people while not hiding the truth. Also, they wanted to plant a church in the town that we lived in as well. They are in St. Louis MO and we are in subburb/rulal IL. Over a year ago one of the pastors asked me and my wife to plant this chruch with him and we started last september and I was a pastor intern and going to seminary.

We average about 70 people are a new small church. I, and the other interns, found out last friday that this pastor is resigning because of an inappropraite relationship with a women other than his wife. We annoiced it to the church today.

The timing could not be worse, I have 2 weeks left if this semester in seminary and it is bad without this with all of the papers and studing to do. Also, we are trying to keep the church alive and helping those who are hurting. My life is upside down right now, but so is his wife's, and 4 other interns, including one who 4 months ago sold his home in Colorado and moved his family here. Also, our congragation is really hurting, he was a very popular pastor.

Now, he didn't get caught, from what I understand he made a mistake, admitted it to his wife and asked for forgiveness from her and God. He admitted it to our elders and resigned. He and his wife are being given counseling. He was/is a close friend of mine and I cannot even talk with him right now. Our leadership felt it best for his, his wife's, and our healing that we don't communicate with him for a while to help them put their marrige back together.

I need prayer, he and his family does, 4 other interns do, our spouces do, and our church does. I don't even know where to start praying now. I am confused and hurt. I know that God is in control and this has not damaged my faith, but I really hurt for all of these people right now and I am having to step up into a role that I was not expecting.

Any prayer would be humbly appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Craig

[minst7877]

Craig my prayers are with you as this will be a very trying time for a young church. We recently went through much of the same thing and it created a lot of side taking and caused a major split in our church. It will take a lot of time and a lot of prayer to get through this. Our church struggled for almost 3 years after the fact but we now have a wonderful man of God who has been called as our senior pastor. Hang in their and lean on God as he will be the one to keep you through this.

[ozark]

It is a crying shame when a person fails to do their duty. It is especially disgusting when a persons duty is to be an example for God and then willingly fails to resist a temptation that all men are so familiar with. It brings shame on the church and it happens so often that it is becoming an honor to many to not be associated with a church. Many preachers teach that
Christ died on the cross and that our sins are already forgiven. This thread reopens a wound that was created when my ex son-in-law, now an ex pastor in prison begin raping my Granddaughter before she was twelve and continued it for over four years.
I believe that we all have a duty to resist those things which are wrong and that failure to do ones duty as a representive of God should be a crime of the lowest catagories known to man.
To betray all that is honorable, to betray God as a servant, to willingly violate the trust of followers, dependents, family, God and the Church isn't an act that leads me to ask God to forgive. Temptation is to be expected and it is our duty to not let it lead us down the road to distruction. He has hurt you Craig but IMO there is a time to get angry at those who willfully
betrays all that is sacred. If you can forgive this low of the lowest then you are a better man than I am. Yes, I am bitter but not at God. Isn't it educational to think how after all the creation God looked back and seen everything as good. Some humans have surely made him have second thoughts. Deplorable, Shameful, Disgraceful, Sinful, and a dozen other adjectives fail to describe the acts of men like we have unfortunately had to deal with. Duty to God is an awesome duty to fail in. Sorry, but this man deserves suffering for the misery he has caused you and countless others. Ben

[Kevin B.]

Praying for ya Craig.

[CraigF]

Ben, please forgive me for reopening wounds. I don't want to compare what I am going through with what you are. While he is a very close friend of mine who I will not see anymore for his sake, I agree with you that he desirves this. Yes, I am hurt and so is his wife.

Now, I after a meeting tonight where he resigned more was clarified. 1, he did not have a sexual relationship with another women, just an inapropriate emotional one to someone he was counseling. 2, when confronted he tried to hide it at first.

Ben, I see two things that are different between your situation and mine other than your hurt is far greater than mine could ever be. First, my former pastor came to repentance and accepted what has happened. He will be in a long process of restoration. Second, he didn't do it with my wife. Ben, I can't comprehend if my own family was involed in this. I don't judge you in the pain and anger you are feeling. What I am dealing with is in no way nearly as hurtful as you are.

I really am hurting right now. The strange thing is that I am not really hurting for myself, mabye I have not got there yet. I am hurting for my former pastor's wife. I am hurting for the woman involved. I am hurting for him, he was a close friend. I am hurting for the people in my church. I had to deal with a lot of very hurt people today and that sucked! I hurt for my wife, this was the guy who married us.

I now have been thrown in to a position that I don't know how to do. I have to finnish the semester paper and final wise, but I am part a small team that is trying to keep this church going. I know that it is by God wether is does or not. I just have a lot of work to do and a lot of people to minister too. I am making decisions tonight that I would have never made on my own before.

Have I forgiven him, yes. It isn't easy and it is. I know that God has forgiven me of so much more. I can't withhold what has been given to me when someone repents. But forgiveness doesn't wipe away consquence.

I just need prayer. I miss my friend and hurt so bad for everyone involed. I don't know what to do and have been shifted from a position of learning how to running a church to actually doing it. I just thank you for your prayers and hope that God can heal my hurting.
Craig

[ozark]

Craig, you have my best wishes and good luck as you travel on down the road of life. Ben

[CORVAIR]

Craig,

I'm sorry man that I blew it and have not been monitoring this section of Doug's boards.
You were there for me when my sister was sick with Cancer and I apoligize for not being there for you. God, please hear my prayer for Craig, his family and christian brothers and sisters. I know you have given them each the peace and understanding already, I just ask that you continue to strengthen each of this christian flock daily and this church has been reassembled in its fullness.

We are ever mindfull of what you can do for us through prayer and love for each other. In Jesus Christ's name, amen.

call me anytime brother, you are always welcome in my home if you are in the area. Jack Ingle Martinsville, Indiana

[ozarxoffspring]

Craig, how familiar I am with this scenario. I am the ex-wife of the man whom Ozark made mention. It was my daughter who was repeatedly raped, and trust me when I tell you I believe you are making a mistake by not communicating with the wife of this man.

She needs a support system. Believe me, she forms her own opinion of her one time friends when it appears to her she has dropped off of the face of the earth. It would most likely it would be more appropriate for your wife to contact her and include/imply your support as well as her own, however, I strongly urge either of you to communicate with her in some way.

By your silence (for whatever reason, whether advised, or not knowing what to say) she resolves in her mind that she is tainted and unworthy as well as part of an "unsightly blemish" on the face of The Church. And I am not speaking of something so minuscule as the local church, I mean THE Church.

As the majority of women tend to blame themselves for their husband's infidelity, somehow, when one is the pastor's wife, the guilt is compounded. Most likely she is examining what it is that she did or didn't do that "made" him turn to someone else.

This warped thinking could be minimized by a loving church family who continues to assure her that the problem lies with HIM, not her. I cannot stress enough the importance of not having the appearance of shoving the "problem" under the rug. Address it, and address it now, for her sake.

Since the pastor admits, and indeed is contrite concerning his emotional adultery, he, too, will need the support of a loving church family, in time. There is a vast difference in the men in our two experiences. You see, not only was my ex-husband not broken, heartsick, and contrite, he assumed the role of the victim. So, as one might imagine, this chapter in my life, and in the life of my daughter, has yet to be closed.

All that to say this: Do not allow this woman to continue to believe that she had anything at all to do with her husband's CHOICE to sin. Just drop her a note of encouragement; she will never forget it.

As for your personal trials, do not take it all on your shoulders, alone. You will be worthless to your congregation if you are not ministered TO, and if because you have taken on too much and have failed to recognize duties you have taken on which could, and indeed, should, be delegated to others, your own marriage suffers. Allow God to be God.

The children of Israel were given manna ONE DAY AT A TIME. Live accordingly, and He will provide your needs--ALL of them.

Praying for all involved.......

[petev]

Craig, I haven't been in your position, but I would say the only thing you can do is reach down inside and follow your gut. Also if this person is indeed a close friend of yours you may have to be available to help him if he wants. Not an easy situation, but all situations have one thing in common, they fade into history at some point. Good luck. Pete